Satiric Quill - 5 Tips For The Budget

5 Tips For The Budget
or - robbing Peter to pay Paul to make merry

There are always options when it comes to manipulating the household budget. The following five tips will help you maintain fiduciary trust while increasing the entertainment funds for you and your family.

1. Always encourage the family dog to use your checkbook as a chew toy. This gives you visual proof when you need it. No one at the utilities company will be able to dispute your very valid excuse for not mailing that check.

2. Whenever possible, buy generic brands and reuse the name-brand containers. Your family will never know the difference and you can bank those saved pennies in your secret coffee can along with the coupons that expired last May.

3. While paying bills, be sure to put the utilities check in the phone bill envelope and vise versa. They will understand completely when they open the incoming mail. They've all been there too. Busy person trying to do the household accounts while children tug at them, scream past them and the television blares in the background. That is your story and you're sticking to it.

4. When contacting a creditor to make payment arrangements, always have them believe you are hard of hearing. Make them repeat themselves a number of times. Not only will they keep it short and sweet by agreeing to your payment dates, but the information will go in your file as a possible reason for misunderstandings in the future.

5. When the children ask for their allowance, change the rules. It works for networks, Fortune 500's and the government. It can work for you. Add addendums to their allowable earnings. Increase work loads per dollar. Explain that the COLA only pertains to those over 18. Tell them taxes went up. (which would not be a lie....they went up somewhere)

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