Satiric Quill - Writing Parents

Do's and Dont's For Writing Parents

Do try to maintain the thought until you finish typing it. Despite the child hanging off your arm, forge ahead and get to that period.

Don't try to save your work while your mouse arm is rattled by an impatient gnome. Trust me, I've done it. That delete button is never far enough away from the save.

Do turn and face your child once in a while when they speak to you. The keyboard will be there when you get back to it and the child will go away happily under the delusion that his parent really heard him.

Don't have your tubes tied because you have a fall deadline.

Do take a breather every now and then from writing to enjoy the chaotic atmosphere of your home. Never mind the mess. There are human beings under that laundry that would love some attention from you.

Don't forget that until you finish that novel and get it contracted you cannot afford to send the kids to boarding school. A vicious circle, but one that we have confidence you can overcome.

Do make out a clear and concise will. When the sum total of your earthly assets sits in a pile on the attorney's desk, your children will gaze on this mound of scrap papers, notebooks and scribbles and anxiously wait to see who gets stuck taking it home.

Don't let the school list you as "writer". Your teen will never live down society's view of the "linguistically unemployed".

Do let your youngest learn how to sign you in. When deadlines loom and you're making pasta, she'll be a big help.

Don't let your oldest learn how to sign you in. He'll have more email than you have pasta.

Do give your children their own desktops. You'll thank me in the end. Each family member has their own space. You'll feel better about that erotica you've been working on.

Don't publish that erotica under your real name. Your kids will hate you until they move out.

Do let your children make dinner as often as possible. After all, the sooner they learn to fend for themselves, the sooner they move out on their own. Or would you really know what to do with a free and quiet day?

Don't wean a toddler on the computer mic. There are small parts that could be expensive to replace.

Do use a mouse pad when you can't find the diaper pad.

Don't let your deadlines interfere with your son's hockey games. There is a very reliable "Mock-Mom Stand-in" site online. Contact them for details.

Do write out your goals and deadlines and then toss them in the trash. You know as well as I do that they are subject to change without notice anyway.

Don't let your littlest see you stick that pencil behind your ear. He'll poke his eye out when he tries it.

Do enjoy your writing, your kids and your writing about your kids. Just don't read what your kids write about you. Trust me....you don't want to know.

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